Fake attention

My roomates don’t do anything else. They just wake up, eat, go to university and play video games. What the hell? There is so much to do here in and around Nanaimo. It’s Canada!

These thoughts just appeared, when I came back from a hiking trip and I saw my roomates playing video games together. And right after I had these thoughts I was asking myself, what would they think if they visit my home country Germany for the first time and seeing me playing video games in my room all day long. Probably something quite similar to my thoughts, right?

The funny thing is, that I immediately sat down to play with them. The second before I judged them, the second after I play with them. This truly is determined by the attraction of the game they play, and the game we have been playing together the last two weeks.

But today, nothing works. I die over and over again, I can’t keep up with the hundreds of other online players. It’s frustrating. So I’ll pass the controller along and now its his turn to give his best. It works for him! But why! I am a much better player than he is. I don’t want to look at this anymore.

I got out of the room and the first thought appeared again. They should not play all day long. They should go out and do something. But to be honest, I knew, that I would have had a totally different feeling if I actually were successful at the game, while my roomates where watching me playing. Its weird. To be more honest, I am not interested at all in watching them play. I just want them to watch me playing, watch me being successful, being the best.

Do they have similar thoughts? According to their reactions when I play, no. They react in a way that supports the idea of me playing Call of Duty in front of them. So why do I have these thoughts? Is my attention to them playing this game in front of me really fake?

The euphoria I had the weeks before is now on a low level. I still want to go back to the game, but situations like this make me feel uncomfortable. Especially because they saw me loosing at the game. Argh!

It might be part of my personality, that I react in this way with my inner thoughts and feelings. In my opinion, I should set myself the challenge, to gain a better perspective in these situations, creating real attention to my roomates, supporting them in their play as much as they do when I play. That is what I should try to do, instead of being frustrated about my lack of success in the game. Why can’t I be just happy about Alex reaching new highscores? I feel like I have to analyze this question again in upcoming GamePlay blogs.

Until next time,

iNoReply

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