You’ll never be the best again

Five years ago, nobody online could beat me in Call of Duty. Surely, a few people did, but that was rare and I accepted it. But in general, I had a great time playing this game, because I was so good at it, and the feeling of being way better than most of the other players online was one of the reasons that made me get addicted to it.

This time is over. I have played Call of Duty: WWII now for two weeks and I can’t see any progress. I get killed all over again. All over again. And this is too frustrating. Especially, because I know, this has been used to be my game. The realization, that it is not my game anymore, well, hurts. A little bit. But its definitely frustrating. I can’t keep up with the many players online like I used to. Most of the times I can’t even get more kills than deaths, and wow, that was a long time the absolute minimum within a game. Now it is usual and it lowers my addiction to the game significantly. When I see my roomates playing, I still want to play a match or two, but shortly after that I again realize, that it is not my game anymore. And at the same time, the physical impairment of feeling a little bit dizzy after getting killed all over again is making me loose interest in playing this game. I stand up and leave my roomates.

Maybe, I am too old now to actually want to be best in this game. Maybe I realized, that there are other things in my life, in which I want to be best at. In writing for example, I want to write a bestseller. Or in playing piano, well, I am still at the beginning to learn it, but there is progress, and progress is a key factor of staying motivated at doing something. In Call of Duty, I can’t see any progress within the first two weeks, when I normally had a significant progress and success within the first two or three days. It’s over. And other things are more important.

While this GamePlay blog comes to an end, such a realization is probably what I was searching for when I first started to write it. I had my ups and downs, and more or less motivation to play games each week or each day. But right now it feels like this is over and I don’t want to play video games anymore. Maybe the motivation to play video games comes back when I meet my friends at home, and we sit next to each other and play a round of FIFA, I guess that this never gets old. But playing FIFA online, I think, I would see the same lack of progress and I probably would need a couple of months to become better again.

But I don’t want to. No, I think it’s over.



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